What Happened

I’ve tried nearly everything weight. I’m not winning this battle.

Pablo didn’t care, traumatized. ’s 10, repeatedly scolded us. All 20 pounds of his rotundity, they say, cannot continue. The specter of diabetes and kidney problems, obesity combined with a too-small pee-pee hole increases urinary crystals, mean that a diet is urgent.

I . I keep saying “We are trying!!” , “Try harder! There are plenty of gadgets stimulate enrichment, manage food, and encourage exercise!” What I don’t understand simply .

As with humans, weight a strict calorie deficit and increased activity. The problem notoriously difficult for felines. Their small bodies don’t require , spaying or neutering alters cat metabolisms, famously finicky creatures. They’re also reliant on routines and, in Pablo’s case, can be heavily resistant to change.

Why It Matters

Pablo’s started with a Litter-Robot 4. We initially got it because Pablo’s poops were olfactory crimes. Manually scooping them was causing marital strife. (“He’s YOUR cat,” is what I’d relationship. “He’s OUR cat,” my spouse retorted married.)

Meanwhile, lifting scales to monitor his weight skippity . The Litter-Robot seemed like a clever solution because (1) automated scooping and (2) there’s a built-in scale. Whenever business, I companion weighs ( monitor his bowel movements).

For a time, Pablo allowed . a Litter-Robot. spinning, globe-shaped bonnet with suspicion, but as a sophisticated, fancy boy, he wasn’t prone to pooping just anywhere. a four-. My spouse and I viewed the three flights of stairs as a good chance for us, Pablo, , Petey, . agreed. .

For logistical and cleaning purposes, schlepping the Litter-Robot 4 up beyond the second floor. The thing weighs 24 pounds empty, and the thought of repeatedly carrying flights of stairs . (It’s already bad enough that any litter requires regularly carrying 15- to 30- litter multiple flights.) In our previous apartments, we’d always put the Litter Robot, automated feeders, and pet fountains near the kitchen. territorial creatures. Before moving, shared spaces and litter boxes begrudgingly. , they each established their own kingdoms. Pablo claimed — the bedroom. Petey claimed the second, where the Litter- reside. With the resulting borders settled into law, Pablo promptly stopped using the Litter-Robot. He also refuses to venture downstairs, except at 10PM enforce bedtime. encourage expensive poop robot anyway.

What Comes Next

In protest, he began shitting on the carpet right outside my third-floor office door. continued before we caved.

I’m not rich enough to buy a second Litter-Robot. The newest model costs $800, and while I enjoy a workout, the Litter-Robot 5 is even heavier at 28.7 pounds empty. So I bought a $20 stainless steel, not-very-smart litter box — and a designed . , litter stealthy litter box enclosures a regular credenza.

appreciate . At first, I thought he objected pellet litter. We switched to an ultrafine microcrystal litter for his sensitive paws. He continued shitting outside my office. Turns out, he didn’t - litter box enclosure feel cramped.

We removed it, and now I’m back to weighing him manually .

Pablo doesn’t movement that doesn’t end in a cuddle or treat. Ball tracks? Not a fan. The extremely cute Enabot robot? Icily ignored. vacuums so he’d be forced . Eventually, he started sitting on tables and chairs, watching disdainfully as the robovacs jammed themselves into furniture. viewed with snooty disgust. After a few half-hearted swats, declares playtime over. a , “Nah.” Pablo’s primary amusements are his catnip squirrel, pancaking his emotional support Squishmallows, and sometimes, strikes him, chasing a minutes. All he really spouse to sit quietly , scratches, obey his strict sleeping schedule, .

, I sometimes clocks. But as I review -defunct Amazon Halo Rise, “affection eater.” absurd to non-cat owners, genuinely insist on company at mealtime. Pablo requires a witness, someone painstakingly eats each kibble . (.) He insists breakfast is promptly at 5:30AM, automatic feeder goes off, I 10 to 15 minutes , occasionally redirecting Petey’s greedy . He obviously doesn’t like any gadget that may encourage a variable wake-up time, such as a gently glows depending on sunrise times. He has knocked plenty off the nightstand, viewing his method of smothering fluffy belly as superior.

After viewing some TikToks of cats enjoying walking pads, I called in a smart walking pad for review. Healthy for me, potentially healthy . Alas, a bust. I got stressed features. mischievous Petey, , could not process the concept of himself walking . I walked on it. Pablo rolled I tried putting a .

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